There’s this guy I've been sort of seeing lately and he really wants us to be a couple. I'm not so sure. I do like him a lot, he has a wonderful smile, is great in bed and (most importantly) he shares my love for Doctor Who, Torchwood and other sci-fi shows. It's just that I have serious commitment issues and usually when someone even hints at that they might like like me, I start looking for the nearest exit. I'm pretty sure even John Sheppard is better at relationship stuff than me.

He just called me and it went like this:
The Guy: Hi, what's up? I'm hanging out with some friends and I really miss you!
Lehanra: I have a cold.
The Guy: Umm. So you wanna come and join us?
Lehanra: Nah. I'm tired.
The Guy: Ok, I'll call you tomorrow then. I love you.
Lehanra: Err... thank you? *panics*
The Guy: Thank you?
Lehanra: Well... I meant let's see how things go...okgottagohavefunbye!
The Guy: *sighs* I will call you tomorrow.
Lehanra: Bye. *facepalm*

One of these days he's going to dump me because he'll think I don't like him.

It's official, I now hate Russell T. Davies almost as much as I hate Joss Whedon. They're evil, evil people who probably kick puppies and steal candy from babies.

Torchwood was amazing and I'm going to re-watch season three as soon as I recover from this hypoxia-induced brain damage.

My mom visited her cousin last weekend and decided to fix me up with my second cousin.

Hnnnrgh!

1) if I needed a man, I would have made an effort to find one by now

2) He is 34 years old and still lives with his parents - granted, this is not as pathetic as it seems since he is a farmer and his parents still own most of the farm - but if I was to spend the night, I would have to ask his mom and dad

3) the pictures he has on his facebook are mostly of his car and tractor

4) TRACTOR! (then again - tractors are cool)

5) When my mother asked him if he would be interested in me, he said he was too old to be too picky (I feel so hot right now)

6) He lives far away ( 450 km - or about six hours drive... ok, non- Europeans needn't comment that that's not far at all)

7) and I totally just sent him a message on facebook to find out if he thinks he'd like me... God, I'm so drunk and needy.

9) I don't need my mother to find me a spouse and besides, arranged marriages are so last century!

10) but then again, it's not as if I have single men lined up at my door... (if I did, I would charge for admission)

Edit: I did send him an another message! Why didn't just post on his wall, at least I could've deleted that. Damn, I hate facebook. It's an evil, evil thing,

I'm translating a 33 page manual from English to Finnish and it was supposed to be ready five minutes ago and I still have ten pages to go. Nooooo. My hands, eyes and head hurts and I hate hate hate the person syphilitic drunken monkey  who translated this text into English in the first place. I swear they used babelfish for the bulk of it. And to make things even more interesting, the product was invented in Finland, is made by a Finnish company and I can clearly see the manual was written in Finnish first. WTF? Why am I translating it back in to Finnish? I want to kick everyone responsible for this idiocy in the head and feed them to rabid bunnies. And the worst of it is I'm doing the translation for my step-sister who really needed it to be  done... well 10 minutes ago. I don't want to let her down (not to mention lose the big pile of cash and future work opportunities) but I have a killer migraine and I'm in full on panic mode and I have to work tomorrow.

And the ex, who never even was the current (because I realized early on he's a creepy stalkery alcoholic fuckwit) keeps calling me. I'm not picking up, but just seeing his name on my cell phone creeps me out and I can't turn the phone off cause the step-sister might call.

Augh.

My sister and I watched Passchendaele today. I'm so glad it was just the two of us, for several reasons, mainly because:

1. the couch is just big enough for two people
2. the frequent cigarette breaks would have driven anyone else mad
3. we are both unable to shut up during a movie and are really annoying and mostly not funny

I took notes:

Lehanra: You know what's funny? We're already 17 minutes into the movie and Paul Gross hasn't smoothed his eybrow, touched his ear, tugged on his collar...
The sister: ... or licked his lips.
Paul Gross: *licks his lower lip*
Us: *nearly fall off the couch giggling*
***
( Oh dear, cut for the randomness and an f-word )
***
Dramatic movie: *ends*

Lehanra: So, that was pretty good. I liked it.
The sister: Yeah, it made me sad. And Paul was pretty.
The sister: Does he really have a small penis? [referring to an earlier conversation about Paul Gross and his small feet]

In Finland we tend to wish a happier New Year, as if we all know the current year has been a disaster and the only way is up.

In the past it would have been what I would say, but (surprise, surprise!) this year has been pretty good. After years of unemployment I got my first real long-term job. It's not quite what I wanted - I'm really just a glorified maid - but it's least better than the previous two ears spent at home, collecting unemployment benefits and sleeping 18 hours a day. I've learned to trust myself, I get along with all kinds of people, I can take criticism so much better than before and for the first time in my life I believe I could do better. But still, I hate my job.

Today I met my sister after work, went shopping for food and for once, cooked an actual meal for myself. I have to cook for at least for forty people daily and when I get home, I usually just make a sandwich or eat cereal... there seems to be no point in cooking for a just one person, even though I rarely eat at work.

I  was recently diagnosed with gout, and after I got over the irrational fit of laughter I got angry. For years doctors have told me I'm just imagining the pain in my joints -  granted, the people my age rarely suffer gout and I don't even eat most of the foods that trigger it. I did know the pain was real, I felt it, but after several doctors told me there was nothing wrong, I started to doubt myself and eventually I didn't even bother to mention it to the doctors. I feel so angry - had this been diagnosed earlier my joints wouldn't have been as much damaged as they are now. And the damage is permanent.

But if I wouldn't have gotten this job where I need to peeled and chopped several pounds of vegetables each day (which of course hurt like hell), I wouldn't have bothered to complain about the pain and my joints would have been slowly destroyed. So even though this job was nothing I wanted, it saved me from years of pain.

So this year has been pretty good even though at one point it seemed I couldn't make through it. And, well this post is really is proof I'm doing better, I can write without wanting to cry. In a couple of weeks I'll meet with a rheumatologist and we'll figure what's wrong and hopefully fix it.

I bored and tired and unable to sleep and have just commented on every single of my friend's status updates on Facebook. And most comments don't even make sense. Eep. Also, most of my joints are inflamed and hurt and no one really knows why. Yet.

The good news is I have really nice painkillers and an appointment with a rheumatologist soon. Although I think my doctor has redefined soon .When she told me she had referred me to a rheumatologist, I of course asked how long it would take. "Oh, don't worry, it'll be very soon since you are in so much pain... maybe a few weeks."

A few weeks is soon? I almost killed a coworker because she tapped me on the shoulder. And this was after I started to take the painkillers and anti-inflammatories.

Augh.

I was supposed to write a post about the horror that is my mother joining Facebook, but got completely distracted by the Shiba Inu puppy cam. Again. 

So, anyway....

Puppies! Puppies! Puppies!

Damnit.

Go watch puppies play, eat and sleep. Mostly the latter. (FYI: the puppies will not wake up if you tap the monitor. Or squeal puppypuppypuppy.)

I was outside smoking a cigarette when this happened:

Neighbour: Hi! I'm going to the store!
Lehanra: You better hurry, they close in ten minutes.
Neighbour: So I was pissing this morning... uh, I mean urinating and I got really scared!
Lehanra: Uh. Ok...
Neighbour: ... and it looked like champagne! It was foaming!
Lehanra: That doesn't sound good.
Neighbour: And so my friends told me that's bad!
Lehanra: Maybe you better see the doctor.
Neighbour: And I was walking by the Salvation Army and their door was open and then I met this woman!
Lehanra: Really? *feigns interest*
Neighbour: She's Russian!
Lehanra: Huh.
Neighbour: And so I took her to dinner! And she wanted to eat sausage! But she doesn't eat meat!
Lehanra: Interesting...
Neighbour: And no yogurt! And she's Eastern Orthodox! And she gave me her phone number!
Lehanra: That's nice.
Neighbour: And she's thirty! And likes young men! But I'm sixty!
Lehanra: Really.
Neighbour: So would you like to come over for tea or coffee? If you want to, you can drop a note in my mailbox! I'm [name]! So the mailbox says [name]!
Lehanra: Umm.
Neighbour: And if you need help I have nails and screws for you! [nb: this sentence has just one double entendre in Finnish]
Lehanra: Ok. Wow, look at the time. You better run.
Neighbour: Yes! You can come over anytime! I won't grab your ass!
Lehanra: That's... nice . Bye! *finally finishes the cigarette and runs back in*

This was by far the most bizarre attempt to hit on me ever. And every one of his sentences really was an exclamation.  And he really makes very little sense. Too bad this isn't the only discussion that's made me go wtf this week. Lately I've had a feeling I've slipped into a alternate universe where everyone is crazy and I don't quite speak the language. At first I thought it was just the sleep deprivation but now I'm starting to wonder.

I'll be turning thirty tomorrow. Thirty! Wow. I can't believe I'm that old. Surely there's been a some kind of mistake. Thirty year olds are supposed to be grownups. I'm still a kid. I always figured that when I'm thirty,  I'd have a career, a family, a house and a master's degree in something cool. Instead I have a really crappy job, no desire to even date, a really small and horribly messy apartment and still no idea what I want to do when I grow up.

Anyway, I 've been feeling really... well, not quite depressed, more like just very meh and bleh (my extensive vocabulary astounds even myself). I was planning to go my favorite bar and get really drunk and do something (or someone) stupid, but since I'm broke and none of my so called friends and relatives wanted to join me, I decided to stay home. Usually when I'm feeling down I read a good book , watch a movie or listen to music and it helps.

I was planning to watch Hard Core Logo but since I've seen that movie eleventybillion times and it's not that uplifting, I thought I should watch something else. I found Unnatural & Accidental on my hard drive and since it has Callum Keith Rennie and I hadn't seen it before, I thought it would be just what I need. I was so wrong. Extremely, utterly, horribly wrong.

I should have checked the imdb.com. I'm used to CKR playing bad guys but this movie was really something else. Twenty minutes into the movie I was whimpering and really regretting my love/obsession for CKR and Canada in general. It wasn't the worst movie I've ever watched but by far the most depressing one I've seen in a very long time. I hope it had really sucked so I could've at least mocked it. But noooo, the actors were pretty good and the story was horribly grim and everyone was so broken and it hurt. I was relieved when it finally ended.

I think I now need to take a quick shower and go see if there's anyone I know at the bar. (not the favorite bar, just the bar that's a three minute walk from my apartment...I'm a sad, pathetic creature, can't even be bothered to walk the extra 20 minutes)  And to anyone who has seen Unnatural & Accidental, no, the irony is not lost on me. I promise not to drink with any strangers or take them home with me. :)

1. Even though you dislike being the one who always has to wash the floors at work, you secretly enjoy it because you get to use a blue bucket.

2. When people ask you what's for lunch, your answer most of the time is invisible cheeseburgers.

3. You tell your four month old nephew: "Stop nomming auntie. You can not has. Not yours!"

*sigh* I'm a dork.

So... Callum Keith Rennie is in at least five episodes of Californication's second season. Somehow I had completely missed that piece of vital information and was very pleasantly surprised when Callum appeared on my monitor next to a shirtless David Duchovny. And by being pleasantly surprised I mean squealing so loudly I almost split my eardrums . Eeeeeeee! The Rennie/Duchovny interaction is the only reason I managed to watch the X-files movie without falling asleep.  And in Californication CKR doesn't have a funny accent so it's even better.

Now I'll just need to find the slashfics. The preair torrents were released 17 hours ago so I'm sure someone has already written Moody/Ashby.... Mooby? Ashdy?...

Also, I could try to find out why there's a police van outside my window and if it's related to the creepy guy who was yelling he'd kill someone a couple hours ago.

J, my four year old nephew, said to me today I need to come over some day and help him build a rocket. When I told him that might be a little too complicated for us, he replied, "It's okay, I have a hammer and nails!".

After hours of fighting with my mother I feel like mailing two songs for her;

Kelly Clarkson - Because of You

Linkin Park - Pushing Me Away

then I realized I'm 29, not 14 so I'll just shut up.

It's hard dealing with a parent who has for your whole life been more immature than you. I can almost let all the things my mother says just pass, but I can't deal with her making my little sister cry.

And I'm in shock after realizing a Kelly Clarkson song says all I want to say to my mother.

Luckily I recently found out that:

a) there will be a sequel to Hard Core Logo
b) Callum Keith Rennie is in the new X-Files movie
and
Hugh Dillon's new show was picked up by CBS

What can I say, my mom's being a bitch is overshadowed by fannish awesomeness.

Also, NKOTB is making a comeback and even though their new single is making me cringe, the twelve year old in my is going wheee wheee wheee.

Edit: Kelly Fracking Clarkson? That song could have been written by me, that is if I could put what I feel into words. Dammit.  I don't know if I can over this. K-e-l-l-y C-l-a-r-k-s-o-n. ???????

What the hell, I never was cool.

First of May is a big deal in Finland. Supposedly it's to celebrate the the social and economic achievements of the labor movement. But really it seems to be an excuse the dress up, wear funny hats, drink tons of champagne and have a picnic with friends (in a blizzard).

Today the weather has been nice, around 20 degrees Celsius which is almost scorching by Finnish standards. I'm a bit tired, the new job has been fun but since I'm not used to actually getting up in the morning and doing manual labor, my feet are killing me and I could store beer cans in the bags under my eyes.

But getting to hang out with my friends and drinking is so much fun, so I won't complain :)

Happy May Day!

My life isn't allowed to have subtext.

Dammit.

If you want something of /from me, just tell me so.

"I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words Bother Me"

Also, my nephew thinks I love hay bales.

I just got home from signing my employment contract (the job begins next Monday ) and found out my sister-in-law has given birth to a boy AND a girl!

Whee!

Now I just need to get over this stupid migraine so I can go babysit my two older nephews.

Got drunk today. Went to a bar. Took pictures.

Note to self: After eating spicy food you really need to wash your hands before taking out the contact lenses.